First Choice Second Chance Page 2
It took him a moment to recall her name. Jessica. That was it. She'd graduated a year behind him. Twenty-four, and she had a couple small kids at home. No father in the picture, and her mother helped her with them. All information gathered from his own mother, not that he'd needed to know it when she told him. Not that it mattered right now. "A beer, Jess. Miller."
"Is that all?"
He barely looked at her. "Yeah."
Once he had the beer in his hand, he turned around and faced the room. He could put names to most of the faces there. Hell, a lot of them had graduated either just ahead or behind him, if they hadn't been in his actual class. One thing with small towns, it wasn't hard to know everyone. The bad thing was then everyone knew your business too.
He climbed up onto the stool and let the beer slide down his throat. He knew most of them, but none were friends. No matter how much time he'd spent here. Not right after Lila left, of course. He hadn't been old enough to legally drink. He'd lost count how many times he'd slept in his truck out in Brian's field that first year. Even when Brian had been at college, he'd left the key to his supply of alcohol. He had never driven home, though.
Once he'd turned twenty-one, he became a regular fixture here. He was fine when he stuck to beer. Only one or two, of course. When he started on the whiskey, he lost it. The only time he did was when the memories were so clear it felt like Lila was right there.
His parents had worried he would become an alcoholic when he was barely of age, especially after he passed out on their kitchen floor, so they got rid of the alcohol in the house. Even when he moved out, they'd instituted the family dinners. His mother had people to check up on him if he missed more than one.
He told himself it didn't matter. He didn't make a habit of sitting in his house drinking away her memory. Maybe if he did, this would all hurt a lot less. He'd heard the whispers as soon as he'd come into town; about him, Lila, what had happened in Nashville. He took a pull from the bottle as if that could wash it all away.
He didn't think anything could.
The door to the bar swung open, and he imagined all the air sucked out of the room. It wasn't actually possible to summon someone by thinking about them, was it? Lila stood there in the doorway. He found it hard to catch his breath as he stared at her. Could it be possible? Could she really be more beautiful than he remembered?
The years slipped away, and he wanted to put his hands on her again. The curve of her hips, the swell of her breasts, they'd always filled his hands. She'd never been a skinny thing, everything about her was full.
Then she stepped forward, the door swinging shut behind her, and the spell broke. Everything rushed back. The memory of that last day, when she left with his brother, in the forefront. The bottle clinked the top of the bar as he set it back down.
"How about some whiskey, Jess? What do you have?"
"Are you sure, Mason? You haven't even finished your beer."
"It's not quite strong enough. Yes, I'm sure."
She let out a breath then listed off the whiskeys they carried. "We have Jack, Jim, Jameson…"
He held up a hand to stop her. "Give me a shot of Jack." He caught Lila at the edge of his vision. "Actually, make it a double."
Jess hesitated then poured the drink and passed it over to him. He took the first sip and winced at the burn. He wasn't sure if he would ever get used to it. The whiskey warmed the parts of him that had gone cold with Lila's arrival. He kept his eyes focused on the wall across the bar as he took the second sip. He still knew the moment she stepped up beside him. He didn't know if her scent still lived in his memory and he recognized it, or if it went deeper. He didn't even have to hear her voice. It was in his head, in his dreams, every day and every night. When she ordered a drink, it twisted around his heart again.
His fingers tightened around the glass. He was almost afraid it would shatter right there in his fist. He dragged in some air through his nose, but it only came back out sounding strangled. He started to turn away. He needed to put some space between them. He couldn't handle having her so close. As soon as he took a step, her hand was on his arm, the muscles in it cording tighter. "Mason."
He was going to explode, shatter into tiny pieces no one would ever be able to put back together again. He had to get away. He didn't even respond to her saying his name. He set the glass on the top of the bar. It must have been harder than he planned because a crack sounded when he did it. He didn't even look back. "Put it on my tab, Jess. All of it."
His head pounded. He didn't think it was the alcohol or the music. It was Lila. It had always been Lila. He pushed out through the door. Then braced his hand against the side of the building and squeezed his eyes shut. The door opened again, and he didn't even look behind him. Instead he strode across the small parking lot to his truck. She called his name again, but he didn't stop. He checked his mirror to make sure she wasn't right behind him; he certainly didn't hate her that much. She still stood close to the building. She had her arms wrapped around herself and stared after him. His eyes started to burn. Then, he backed out of his parking spot and pulled out of the lot. The gravel spun under his tires, but he didn't care. He wanted to put distance between them. Before he lost the grip he barely kept on his sanity.
#
Lila watched as Mason's truck peeled out of the parking lot, spitting gravel from beneath the wheels. She stood there with her arms around herself until his truck moved out of sight. It hadn't swerved at all. She doubted he'd actually had much to drink. She'd been the only reason he'd left. She turned and walked back inside and right up to the bar, ignoring the people who called out to her.
She didn't care if it was rude. She hadn't even planned to come in here, but she had seen Mason's truck as she'd driven past. She had only wanted to talk to him. She'd thought about stopping out at the farm earlier, but she didn't have the courage. Stopping here had been an impulse. One she should have resisted.
She could feel the bartender's gaze on her as she lifted her drink. It didn't seem like the normal curiosity but something darker. Lila glanced up, but it took her a moment to place the woman. "Jessica Amadeo? I almost didn't recognize you."
To her surprise, the woman turned away. "I have customers to see to. Let me know if you want a refill."
Lila glanced down the bar. A few people sat there, but most seemed to be content with what they had. It was her then. Jessica didn't want to talk to her. "Did I do something to you?" she asked, but the bartender ignored her.
Lila sighed and twisted the drink in her hand. Not her, she imagined, but Mason. Everyone would remember she'd broken Mason's heart. It seemed they'd all be judging her because of it.
She looked down into her glass. She wasn't really too much of a drinker. It would have spoiled her girl-next-door image. She didn't really care either way most of the time. She liked the taste of it but never really craved it. Tonight it had been an excuse to see, and hopefully talk to Mason.
Apparently, he had other ideas.
Fine. She'd dealt with more in the last year than she ever thought she'd have to handle. She could deal with Mason not wanting to talk to her. She could handle whatever he thought of her. He probably didn't know the half of what she'd thought of herself. She was finally pulling herself back up, and she wasn't going to let his attitude knock her back down.
Throwing her shoulders back and lifting her chin, she lifted her glass, and her mouth twisted at the first sip of the drink. A little too sweet, even for her. Maybe she should have ordered a whiskey like Mason had.
God, what was she even doing here? She didn't want to be around people, didn't need to drink. She left money for her drink on the bar and turned away. She needed to get out of here. Maybe even figure out a better way to approach Mason. Obviously, it wouldn't involve alcohol. When she reached the door, she caught Jessica glaring at her again.
She shook that off and stepped outside. She'd go home, well, to her parents' house, not her own. She didn't have her own anymore. Ho
pefully, soon, she'd be able to again. She kept having to remind herself it would take time to rebuild her life. She needed to give herself that time.
Chapter 3
Before
Lila walked slowly toward the podium after Principal Jolley introduced her. She had sung in front of thousands of people, even more than that a few times. Had opened for some of the bigger names in country music. Why were her palms sweating now? Why did her stomach flip in circles as she crossed the stage? Just because Mason sat on the same stage was no reason. She'd known that when they'd come back to town. It hadn't stopped her then.
She had missed her friends. She wouldn't have thought she'd have the chance to miss anyone when she moved to Nashville. She was recording her album, touring the country, going to parties for her release, for the release of other albums. And having her father tutor her during all of that. When did she have time to miss anyone?
She had missed Mason most of all, even though she had barely admitted that to herself. She certainly would never let her father even hear her say it. She didn't even want to let him know she thought it, not after what had happened when he caught them kissing. She respected her father, but that didn't mean she would let him get away with crap like that.
Sometimes, she wished that big wig from the record company hadn't been at that competition at the fair two years before. She could have stayed here. She could have stayed with Mason. They could have had a relationship. She didn't care what her father thought; she would have worked him until he came around. She could always do that. This had been her dream for so long. She wished Mason had been able to come along with her. Maybe this time. Because she had always dreamed of living her life beside him, too.
Her father had thought he wasn't good enough. He wouldn't think anyone good enough, especially not Mason. Not a boy whose ambition would keep him on his family's farm. Her father had always told her she was meant for more than to be a farmer's wife. She wouldn't have cared. As long as that farmer was Mason, she would have been happy to be beside him. To keep singing on the weekends, in the local bars, at festivals. As long as she could sing, she was happy. It didn't have to be in front of huge crowds. In fact, those venues kind of freaked her out. She could never explain that to her father. Her parents had sacrificed a lot to give her this dream. She couldn't let them think she didn't appreciate it.
One thing she certainly never thought she'd be in Nashville was lonely. It wasn't until now she even realized that's exactly what she was. When she saw everything she had left behind. Her voice caught in her throat, but she cleared the obstruction and started singing.
Tears had slid down some faces by the time she had finished, and not just the girls'. A couple of the guys tried to hide the shining in their eyes. When her gaze met Mason's, his eyes were completely dry and hard. She had hurt him when she left. It was hard to forget.
At the time, she'd thought cutting all contact was the only way to protect her own heart. How stupid she'd been. He'd promised to wait for her, and she had promised she wouldn't forget him. It had to look like that's exactly what she'd done. She wouldn't blame him for hating her.
She forced a smile for the people she used to think of as her peers then turned and waved out to the audience before turning back to her seat, thankful it sat on the other side of the stage from Mason's. The girl in the seat behind hers grinned at her. "You're still the best of us, Lila."
She shook her head at her old friend, Ashley Kalish. "I wouldn't say that. Where's Cassie? I haven't seen her."
Ashley's smile faded a bit. "Her dad got transferred to a plant in Ohio last summer, and her family moved out there."
"Oh." She let the word, more of a sound, trail off. She wished she'd known. She'd done some shows in Ohio earlier in the year. Then, she let the disappointment go. It was her fault contact with everyone had failed. She could blame her father, her touring schedule, her friends. The truth was, she hadn't kept up with the promises she'd made before leaving.
Lila glanced back toward where Mason sat. She had been excited to see him again at the beginning of the night, but he didn't seem to feel the same. In fact, it seemed like it was the last thing he wanted. That was fine. She didn't need him. She was eighteen now. She didn't even need her father. She was here for a reason.
It wasn't him.
#
Mason waved as his parents drove away from the restaurant. They'd wanted to take him out to dinner, but he'd wanted to get away. From the image of Lila singing at the side of the stage and the way she had looked at him. Her eyes had looked wet and sad. It had taken everything in him not to walk up to her. It wasn't his job to take the sadness away. She probably had someone else in Nashville.
Is that why she'd said they shouldn't even attempt a long distance relationship when she left?
He closed his eyes for a moment before pulling out of the parking lot. His parents knew where he was going and hadn't tried to stop him. His mother didn't like it. He was aware of their thoughts and feelings, but they trusted him to make his own decisions. Right now, he had decided to cut loose and try to forget all of this.
Mason drove out to the edge of town and turned his truck into the field, leaving it parked with the others in front of small swath of woods. He started toward where he could see the light of a fire. Brian's grandparents had owned this property and passed it down to his parents. He didn't know how the other boy could keep these parties from his parents. Maybe they didn't care.
He jumped over the ditch separating the woods from the field, landing with a slight thud and rustle of leaves. One branch cracked under his boot as he headed for the fire. The voices around the fire didn't falter at his approach, too used to people coming and going to worry about him. One of the guys tossed him a bottle from the cooler. "Wasn't sure you'd make it, man," the other boy said. "Don't you have some cows to fondle in the morning?"
"Haha. You're so funny, Brian." He'd heard the jokes before. It wasn't like his family was the only one with a farm around here. Yet, he seemed to take most of the ribbing. "It wouldn't be my first late night and early morning."
The other boy grinned as Mason twisted off the top of the bottle. He didn't go to a lot of the parties Brian threw. He had them every weekend, and even sometimes during the week. The farm was only part of the reason for him staying away. He wasn't the drinking type. He realized how ironic that thought was as he took a drink from the beer in his hand. He knew what happened at these parties. He didn't get drunk, though. This would be the only one he had.
Even one was too much at his age, but it was part of socializing around here. His parents wouldn't punish him if they found out, but he'd get that look. Like when he'd brought home that 'F' in math in tenth grade. They hadn't accepted his explanation that Mr. Corelli had it in for him because he'd caught him kissing his daughter.
Mason ran his free hand over his face at the memory. Had kissing Lila been worth all the trouble it brought? Yes, it had. After a couple weeks of torture, Corelli had relented. Lila had still snuck out to the farm to meet him. Then, she had left. He dropped his hand. Maybe it hadn't been worth it after all.
He was supposed to be forgetting her, not constantly thinking about her. He took another drink of beer and started walking.
Then, he heard her voice. No, she couldn't be here. Her father didn't let her go to parties. He was too protective. Then, he heard it again. It couldn't be anyone else. He took another gulp of beer before turning, and his heart seized up in his chest. It was definitely her.
He took a step forward before he realized what he was doing. He forced himself to stop and finish off the beer. There had to be a smarter way about this. Going right up to her certainly wouldn't be. He tossed the bottle into a trash can before bringing his gaze back to her. His heart nearly stopped again. He had been so surprised by her presence he hadn't really taken in her appearance. Now, he wasn't sure how he could have missed it. He really didn't think her father had let her come. He never would have let her out of the house
like that.
The skirt wasn't that short, but her legs were long, and it certainly left a lot of skin showing. And the shirt. He wasn't sure anything could hug her skin any tighter. Except for him. He felt a tightening in his jeans and suddenly wished he still had that bottle in his hand. He had the sudden urge to slide his hands into all those curls raining down around her shoulders. He made himself turn away from her. He walked back over to the cooler. He hadn't planned on having more than one. Suddenly he felt the need for it.
"Didn't you see your girl over there?" Brian asked when Mason leaned over the cooler to grab a beer.
"She's not my girl," Mason said, his teeth grinding together. "She's never been my girl." That was a lie. She had been his before she left. They'd hid it from her father, but almost everyone in town knew they were a thing. Still, that had been two years ago. There was no thing anymore.
"Could have fooled me. She asked for you."
Mason nearly dropped the bottle of beer he'd lifted from the cooler. He tightened his grip on it instead. "Well, she can find me then."
He straightened from the cooler, and the sharp look he got from Brian surprised him. Brian had never seemed too intelligent in class, or at least not attentive, but the way he looked at him now made Mason want to rethink that assessment. "This isn't like you, man," Brian said. "She's just a girl. You shouldn't let her change you."
"What do you mean? I haven't changed."
"You rarely even come to these parties. When you do, one bottle lasts you all night. Don't get yourself all screwed up."
"You're the one usually telling me I need to loosen up some. Now, you're saying I'm loosening up too much? What's up with that?"
He shook his head and smiled, but something felt off about it to Mason. "Not too much. Just for the wrong reasons."
Then, something in Brian's face changed. Mason didn't need to feel her fingers on his skin. Didn't need to hear her voice say his name.
"Mason."