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He dropped the beer back into the cooler and turned toward her, and there went his traitorous heart again. "Lila." He tried to keep his voice cold, but the way his heart kept stopping then racing again made it catch in his throat. "I wouldn't have expected you to be here. Your father actually let you out of the house?"

  It was a struggle, but he'd brought his armor back into place. He couldn't let her see how much she actually affected him.

  "I'm eighteen now, Mason. You know that, right?"

  He'd bought her a card but hadn't been able to get the nerve to make it out. He could have found her address without a problem. That would have taken more courage than he'd been able to scrape up as well. He wasn't going to tell her, though. He shrugged. "I wouldn't think that would make a difference to Luca Corelli."

  Something flashed through her eyes. He wasn't sure if it was guilt or anger. "Like I said, I'm eighteen now. He doesn't control me." She stepped closer to him and ran her hand along his arm. "I've missed you, Mason. I know you probably don't believe me. I probably burnt this bridge when I left. I'd like it if you'd help me over the water, anyway."

  This was a mistake. He knew it even before he turned to her. He couldn't bring himself to care if it was the biggest mistake of his life. He couldn't remember ever wanting anyone else like he'd always wanted her. So, he did turn to her. He put his hands on her shoulders, his fingers sliding over bare skin. "The creek's low, Babe. You can step over."

  She did, right into him. His mouth met hers halfway there. He couldn't think of anyplace else he'd rather be. Any place that made more sense than right here in her arms. For now, he could pretend he'd always be there.

  Chapter 4

  Now

  Mason stood at the kitchen sink washing his hands when the car pulled into his parents' driveway. It was far enough away he could make out the color, but little else. Until the driver stepped out, and his stomach sank. Maybe it was his heart, because he would recognize that hair anywhere and her body. It already had him stirring. He closed his eyes for a moment and wished his body would stop betraying him like this. Then, he turned away from the door. She had every right to visit his parents if she wanted to. He didn't have to have anything to do with it, though. He'd call and let his mom know he wasn't coming for dinner.

  Why did he let her run him away from his own parents' house? Right. Because he couldn't even breathe around her, like the night before when she'd come strolling into the bar. He was about to pick up the phone when a car approached from the direction of his parents' house. He bit back the curse on the tip of his tongue. His mother always told him he should watch his mouth.

  She had to go back this way to get back to town. Maybe that's all she was doing. Maybe his parents had told her she wasn't welcome there. She always had been before. Kyle, too, even after what he'd done. His mother wouldn't abandon one son for the other. Not that his brother had ever taken advantage of that welcome after he'd left with Lila.

  Then, the car pulled into the short driveway next to his house and stopped right behind his truck. There was barely any room for it, but she managed to make sure it didn't stick out into the road. Now he did let the curse roll off his tongue. He couldn't do this. Not here, not right now. She was already walking up onto his porch. He would have to speak to her, at least to tell her to turn around and go right on back to where she came from. He didn't care if she took that to mean her parents' house or Nashville. As long as she was away from him.

  He opened the door and found he couldn't speak. Had she learned witchcraft while in Nashville? How else did she manage to take all his air, all his willpower, just by being around? "Mason, I need to talk to you."

  "You didn't have much to say seven years ago. I can't think of anything else now. This is my home. You can't be here."

  "Why not? You wouldn't talk to me last night in the bar, either."

  "No, you can't be here, around me. This is my place. You gave it up when you left."

  "This is my hometown, too, Mason. You can't tell me to leave. I'm staying with my parents."

  He shook his head. "I know I can't make you leave town. But I'm telling you, you need to stay away from me."

  "Mason, I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry for it. So very sorry. I made the wrong choice, and I wish I could change that. I can't."

  "It wouldn't matter. I can't be around you, Lila." He could feel the breath backing up. He'd never had breathing problems before, but it was like he was having an asthma attack now. He couldn't even drag in a full breath. "I can't, or I'm going to go crazy. Please, just go."

  "Mason, I'm sorry."

  He shook his head and turned away from her. "Please, Lila, go, or I'm going to do something I'll probably regret for the rest of my life." He didn't know what that something was. He had a feeling it would end up with the two of them in his bed. At the moment, he couldn't think of anything worse.

  She didn't leave. Instead she stepped up to him and put her hand on his back. "Mason, please. I want to talk to you."

  He spun and slammed his fist against the door frame. "I told you to go. I can't do this, Lila. You are my brother's wife." He couldn't even use the term sister-in-law. It felt too...wrong. "I can't feel this way about you. Can't you see it's ripping me apart? Is that what you really want to do?

  Tears gathered in her eyes, and he closed his own. He couldn't let his feelings sway toward sympathy for her. It wouldn't do either of them any good.

  "I'm not his wife anymore, Mason. We made that final before I came back up here."

  The rumors were true. Still, it couldn't mean anything. "You don't belong here. You won't be staying. I already know. I can't start something with you again. It doesn't matter what a piece of paper says, you were his wife. I can't look at you without seeing you with him. I can't do this, Lila. Please go."

  He didn't think she would. She reached up and put her hand against the door frame, not too far from where his fist had smacked against it. Then, she lifted up to her toes and brushed her lips across his cheek, across the stubble he hadn't bothered shaving for the last couple days. "I'm sorry, Mason." Then, she stepped back and turned around, heading back for her car.

  He stood right there as she backed out of the driveway; until she had driven down the road, until he couldn't even see the cloud of dust following her car. Finally, he turned back into the house. He could feel himself shaking. He thought he wouldn't be able to turn her away. Didn't think she would go. His hand reached toward the cupboard where he kept a bottle of whiskey. Then, he snatched it back. He couldn't reach for that every time he had to deal with her. His phone rang in the living room, and he grabbed it up on his way to get his boots. "Don't worry, Mom," he said after answering the call, "I'm coming down. Just give me a moment." If he stayed in here, he would go insane. "I'm on my way."

  His fingers brushed over the door frame for a moment as he stepped outside. Something twisted inside him. She had been so close. Yet they seemed to be farther apart than ever before. He knew those thoughts wouldn't help him now. He hadn't said anything that wasn't true. He didn't see any way past this. He had to wait it out until she left again.

  #

  Mason had a sick feeling in his stomach as he headed in to the house. It wasn't from the alcohol he'd consumed well into the night, or not just from it. His father hadn't come out to help with the morning chores. That was usually not a good sign. He may be late, he did sometimes have trouble getting started in the morning, but he almost always showed up.

  He stepped into the house, thinking the worst. His father hadn't gotten out of bed. He hadn't even woken up.

  Then he walked into the kitchen, and his father sat at the kitchen table, a coffee mug by his hand, and the newspaper in front of him. Like any other morning. By the lines around his face and mouth, the ones showing his strain, it hadn't been a good morning.

  He accepted a cup of coffee from his mother before sitting at the table. "You okay, Dad?"

  "I'm thinking about selling."

  Mason's jaw dropped at the statement. He didn't have to ask what his father planned to sell. It had been discussed before, at length, the farm.

  "You can't do that, Dad. This place is our life."

  His father shook his head. "We can't support it. It barely supports itself. I can't keep being a burden. You're young, Mason. You can make another life. With the profit we make, maybe we can afford to get me fixed."

  "You're not broken." Mason thought the words would have come out as a shout. They were barely above a whisper. "You're only having a bad day."

  "I'm a burden. I have been for years now."

  "Scott Akeley," Mary's voice was soft but firm as she moved over to put her hand on his shoulder. "Don't you dare say such things. You have never been a burden to me or to your son."

  Even Mason realized that word was singular. His mother had always defended Kyle, until he hadn't even acknowledged his father's accident.

  "Damn it, Mary." The words weren't angry, but Mason could hear the defeat in them. "I can't help around here. Mason has been doing both of our work since he was twenty. What kind of life is that for him? I can't do it anymore."

  Panic fluttered in his chest. He meant dealing with the farm, but Mason couldn't help but think there could be another meaning under the words. "Dad, the farm's the only life I've ever wanted. You can't do this. We'll turn things around."

  "You were ready to walk away from it seven years ago."

  Mason looked down at the table. He had been. If Lila would have accepted him, he would have left with her, left his parents here alone. He wasn't sure anything would be different right now. Except maybe his father would have hired some other men to work the fields and one of them would have been on the tractor that morning. Guilt twisted in his stomach. He's the one who should have been o
n the tractor that day, but he hadn't been.

  "But, I stayed here, Dad," he said. "The work doesn't bother me. Please don't sell. If you did what will I have? This is all I know."

  "I'm not selling it tomorrow. We'd still have to find a buyer. I don't see another option." His father suddenly looked about ten years older. "I am having a bad day today. I think I'll go back up to bed for a little while."

  "Are you sure you're okay?" Mason asked.

  "I'll be fine. I didn't sleep too well last night."

  His father's hands shook as he stood up from the table. His face strained, he leaned on his cane more than he usually did. Mason turned his gaze to his mother after his father had left the room. "Is he going to be okay? He's worrying me."

  Her mouth was tight as she watched her husband. Mason thought tears were forming in her eyes. "He's right," she finally said, turning back to her son. "This shouldn't be what you're concerned about at twenty-five. You should be out wooing that girl back to you."

  "No, Mom. There's no point when I'm sure she'll be going right back to Nashville soon. Back to him." He should have been over it by now. Still it left bitterness coated on his throat, in his heart.

  "You really haven't been paying any attention, have you? It's all over the papers, even on the news."

  "What are you talking about, Mom? You know I stopped reading anything about her years ago. I couldn't keep ripping myself apart. If I hear her name on the news, I turn it off." He couldn't do that to the radio, even though he wouldn't admit it. At her voice, he let himself fall back into that place. No matter how stupid he realized it was.

  "They're divorced, Mason. Final and official last week, and he got everything. The little bastard deceived her, worked all the papers to get everything for himself."

  "Little bastard?" He choked over the words. "You remember that's your son, right?"

  "Not after what he's done to her, to you. To your father. I never agreed with him, Mason. I didn't think I could turn my back on him. I'm sorry if that hurt you. I made a wrong choice, too. Do you hold it against me?"

  "Of course not, Mom. He's your son. But she chose him over me. Just because they're done, doesn't mean she's going to stay. I didn't mean enough to her back then. Why do you think she'll stay for me this time?"

  "I didn't say she was staying for you. Maybe she's staying for herself. She has a job up here now. She is staying. Why don't you go talk to her?"

  Mason shook his head. "None of this makes sense, Mom. Singing was always so important to her. Why would she give it up now?"

  "I didn't say that, either. Like I said, maybe you should go talk to her."

  "I can't. If I see her, all I'll want is to touch her. I can't do that anymore."

  "You're holding both of you to too high of a standard, Mason. She's not a married woman anymore. You can touch her if she wants you to. You're the only one hurting you right now."

  "I don't know if I can get over what she did."

  "That's something you need to figure out then. Because from what her mother has said, she's not going anywhere."

  Mason finished off his coffee then stood up from the table. "I'll be out in the barn most of the morning."

  He caught his mother's slight smile as he headed for the door. They both knew it was his thinking spot. Especially when it was empty, with the cows they had left out in the field. He realized he had a lot to think about right now.

  Chapter 5

  Before

  Mason leaned his head over the back of the pew. He nearly groaned out loud, but even his posture could get a scolding from his mother. It's not like he didn't come to church just about every Sunday morning with them. He put on his nice jeans, a nice shirt. Made sure he shaved, his hair brushed. He sat there and listened to the sermon. He bowed his head when it was time to pray and stood to sing. Today he couldn't take his eyes off of Lila where she sat in the front with the rest of the choir.

  He had glanced over the bulletin after they had sat down in the pew. His eyes glanced over the information about the opening song, the prayers, even what the preacher would talk about. Instead, they had settled on the special music. He wasn't surprised. He had pretty much expected it with her being in town. Of course, they would ask her to sing during the service. She always had before she had left town. Why wouldn't she now? After all, she had slipped right back into the choir as if she had never been gone. Two years ago it hadn't been unusual for her to be providing the special music during the service. His father's elbow nudged him in the side, and he sat up straighter. He shifted in his spot on the pew, wishing he could do more to adjust the strain of his reaction to her. Then, she stepped forward from where she sat with the other choir members. He barely bit back another groan. Damn it. Why did she have to be so beautiful? His blue eyes tracked her across the small stage as she walked up to the solo microphone near the lectern. Something curled in his gut the moment the words started coming from her mouth.

  He couldn't tear his eyes from her, could barely keep himself from drooling. If he looked around, he was sure he'd see the same look in the other guys' eyes, on their faces. His hand clenched into a fist. He had to take a deep breath and remind himself he had no hold over her, had no right to claim her. She wasn't even his. A couple kisses certainly didn't make that so. No matter how much he wanted it.

  The words mostly washed over him. Instead, the only thing he could think about was the party the other night after graduation. They hadn't stopped with the kiss. Instead they had drifted away from the fire, and the majority of the party goers. He had gotten his hands under her shirt. Had touched her skin, with those hands and his lips. She had touched him. They had done no more than that.

  Those thoughts were certainly inappropriate for church. Mason shifted in the pew, trying to dispel those memories, and the thoughts and wishes that came along with them. Another time he could wallow in them. Now was not the time. His father squeezed his knee. The reminder of his parents right next to him should have quelled any of the arousal he felt for Lila. It didn't, and it apparently couldn't be beaten away.

  Then, her eyes met his, and it swelled in him. Curses went through his head and burned to pass his lips. He kept them closed and swung his gaze past her. This wasn't the time or the place to let his feelings go. He closed his eyes as the song finished. He kept his eyes glued on the pew bible while the preacher gave his sermon. His eyes didn't rise again until the final hymn. When they did, Lila still stared at him.

  It took his breath away. Strangled what air did come out of his lungs in his throat. The only thing he knew was he had to get out of there. It was a matter of survival. He skipped the receiving line going by the pastor, and Lila, and headed for the other door. He didn't take a full breath, couldn't drag one in, until he hit the outer doors. Some people had tried to stop him in the lobby, to ask how he'd been doing, to mention how beautiful Lila sounded. He pushed past them. A few words of apology may have been muttered, but the only thing in his head was his new mantra, "Must get out."

  Finally, he hit the doors and pulled in that first drag of fresh air, and his heart rate settled. His breathing returned to normal. Full breaths in and out. He sank down onto a bench at the edge of a parking lot. Why was he letting her get to him so much? He'd had a couple girlfriends in the two years she'd been gone. He'd kissed them. Hell, he wasn't a virgin, not since shortly after she'd left for Nashville. Yet, she did something none of them had ever done to him. He didn't have a name to pin it down with, though.

  People filed out of the doors. He sat back on the bench, a stony look on his face. At least one he thought was stony. Instead of looking intimidated, the people who glanced at him on their way past looked sympathetic. As if his dog had got run over. Damn it. The same way most of them had looked at him for the past two years. It didn't matter how he tried to act like everything was fine. Even if he'd thought he was convincing, no one else ever seemed to.

  Then, it all changed because he saw her. Lila left the church in front of her father. He should walk out to his family's car. Get away before she even saw him. He did get to his feet, but he didn't head for the parking lot. Instead he stepped back onto the sidewalk and headed in her direction. He didn't know what he was doing. His heartbeat felt erratic. He was sure everyone around him could feel it, but his feet refused to move in the other direction. The smile on her face as she looked over at him kept him moving.